Always remember to love
by nixon-angel
Summary: What if Sam left Stuart for Phil? But Phil had moved on from Sam? she now must prove to Phil how much she loves him and most of all prove that he still loves her
1. leaving him, for another

What if Sam left Stuart for Phil? But Phil had moved on from Sam? she now must prove to Phil how much she loves him and most of all prove that he still loves her.

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Who would you feel? Having to spend the rest of your life, knowing you're with the wrong person, and having to see that person everyday, knowing how much you love them? Already made the mistake of turning them away, maybe losing the chance of ever being with them, fooling yourself you don't love them by dating other men, fooling yourself your happy. But you look at your partner and feel nothing, then see that special someone and your heart beats faster and you can't bear to look at them because it hurts so much. The only reason you're not with him is because your scared, scared at how much you need them, want them. Then you throw yourself into a relationship because your scared that your going to be alone forever, knowing you may of lost your last chance at love. But you can face your fears, overcome them. You realise that this is your last chance…

''Stuart, can I have a word?'' I look at him, and realise there's nothing, he's so different from Phil, Phil's so exciting, He makes me feel safe, he's well liked too, Stuart isn't so well liked, he's always trying to prove he's better than everyone else, taking the credit for others work, but I always forgive him in the end. He puts his work first, maybe that's why I first liked him, but now, we seem to both want different things, Stuarts always trying to better himself, applying for new jobs and transfers, Maybe what they said was true, he's just using me to further his career, But in a way that's all im doing, using him, using him to Prove that I don't need Phil, but im not fooling myself anymore, I do need him…

''sure'' he finally replies, his voice so unenthusiastic ''what is it?"

''Its us, its not working out, I've noticed changes… we both want different things'' I sigh and look at him, he turns away

''I know, I just didn't know what to do, I've been offered another Job, I wasn't sure whether to take it, but seems as though I have nothing for me to stay here for…" he turns and looks at me

"is there someone else?'' he asks

"no- well'' I sigh ''Yes- but they don't know…I mean…"

"Its Phil isn't it'' he cuts me off, I just nod slowly, not wanting to see his face, but he just smiles

''Its obvious, you love him, I can never compete against him, just promise me you will tell him that you love him" he kisses me one last time

"im sorry" I whisper watching him leave….

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OK. Tell me what you think of this, im not sure, but if you like it i will coninue with it, let me know!. maz xx


	2. moved on

Sorry its only short, I promise the next chapter will be longer 

Its as if people are all around me, caught in a bubble of affection and love and outside unseen there's me, the person who makes the wrong choices, stuck with people I don't love - couldn't love, out of fear of being alone, falling into meaningless relationships, never loved, never happy.

Everywhere I look there's happy couples, so in love, happy to be in each other's company. And what hurts the most is when you see the one woman who could change everything for you, the only person who you ever truly loved, you see her with someone else, in someone else's arms, he whispers words which I long to say to her – and then, that magical feeling you have, every time you see them together, more and more of the magic fades, until – there's nothing, the love you once felt for them has gone, and as hard as you wish for them to return they don't, for you know the moment has gone, and you move on…

You see her now and the chemistry you once has had gone, its like it was to start with, your just mates, no longer sharing every secret, every fear you have, its lost, she has Stuart now anyway, she doesn't need me, and I, I don't need her, not like I used to, I'll just keep my fears locked inside, its better that way…love only hurts, as I found out the hard way…

I just have to tell myself, I've moved on, moved on from her, moved on from love….moved on from Samantha Nixon


	3. losing eveything

**Thank you to Laura! For helping me with this chapter**!

Sam slowly made her way to Phil's house, she knew the way to his house better than she knew the way to her own, she still wasn't sure what she would say to him, she couldn't just turn up on his doorstep and tell him how much she needed him, how long she's loved him. Would he even care that her and Stuart had finished? The two of them hadn't really seen eye to eye recently, Phil had been so jealous, become very much like the old him, uncaring, and selfish, thinking about only himself – or maybe that was her, maybe she was the one who had changed, maybe that's why Stuart hadn't seemed so upset to leave her? She was only using him, using him to force herself to believe she didn't need Phil, but she does, there was no point lying to herself anymore. She hadn't realised the tears flowing delicately down her face, she tried to wipe them away, she had become such a bitch, become everything she never wanted to be, everything she hated… she ended up on Phil's doorstep, hesitating to knock, she wasn't sure if this was the right thing, her heart was telling her to, but her head was telling her to leave. She took a deep breath before knocking on his door, knowing there was no turning back now

''Hey" Phil grinned, he then noticed Sam was crying ''what's wrong?" he held his hand out letting Sam in, shutting the door behind him. Sam made her way into the front room, and sat herself down on the sofa; Phil followed her in after about five minutes holding two cups of coffee.

"I've left Stuart" Sam wiped her tears away

"What?" Phil asked, slightly shocked, but happy at the same time, he had always thought Stuart wasn't good enough for Sam. He had only wished it had happened a few weeks ago; before he had finally realised he no longer had feelings for her. ''I thought you really liked him"

''So did I, but we were both too different, he was missing something" She smiled looking up at Phil, he was the something that was missing, when she was with him she felt safe, it was so easy to talk to him.

''I'm really sorry Sam, You know I'm always here if you need to talk"

''Thanks" she took a sip of her coffee

"What are best mates for" Phil grinned, he was glad they could still be that, best mates. Sam and Phil sat talking for a few hours, every minute spent with Phil made Sam realise how much she loved him, how much she needed him. She slowly leant forward and kissed him gently, she tried deepening the kiss but Phil pulled away, he looked away ''I'm sorry" he jumped up "this isn't right,"

''What?" Sam asked confused, hoping this was some kind of joke

''You've only just left Stuart…and well, I think its better we just stay mates" he sat back down and took Sams hand '' Sam I really like you, but ever since you and Stuart got together, it made me think, realise, that…I don't have those feeling I once had for you anymore, I mean it will never work, were both so different, maybe I once thought I would work but…" he sighed not sure what to say anymore " I'm sorry" he whispered. Sam just bit her lip and nodded, she grabbed her bag and coat before leaving, feeling worse than she ever had in her life, she had, in one day felt like she lost everything.


	4. second best

Slowly tears began to fall down her cheeks, Sam tired not to think how ironic it all was. She'd finallyplucked up the courageto tell himthat she loved him, and now he ''had moved on", he was gone. She wanted to be angry with him, it would be much easier to hate him, but she just couldn't. She slowly walked home in the rain; she started to shiver as she turned into her road. She looked at her house and saw the lights on, Stuart was still there. Samantha opened the door to find Stuart packing, he watched her walk into the hallway but returned to his bag as she took her coat off

''Do you have to go?'' She croaked the last word, her eyes stinging as she tried to wipe the last of tears away

"Its what you wanted, you have Phil now" he replied

''But Phil doesn't love me anymore" she felt her heart breaking even more as she said the words. Stuart looked up

"So is that all I am! Second best!" he shouted, Sam looked away, truthfully, yes, that's all he was second best, and he knew he would always would be. She gently placed her hand on his arm, but he brushed it away ''"I don't even wanna see you any more" he snapped nastily

"Please, I made a mistake" she begged. Stuart just stood and looked at her, she was a mess

''You really are pathetic!" he looked her up and down once before opening the door "sort yourself out" he laughed before slamming the door behind him. Sam couldn't control the tears that were now flowing freely down her face. She was unlovable; because of her stupid stubborn streak she had lost Phil. And now she had lost Stuart, he was fun to start with but he wanted more from the relationship than she did, she had to admit to herself that she never truly loved him, not like she loved Phil. She looked at herself in the mirror, she was a mess, Stuart was right she needed to sort herself out…


	5. Mistake?

**Hey, sorry i havnt updated for like ages! i promise i'll try update more! sorry its only a short chapter! im getting really stuck for ideas, if you have any then email me with them! please R&R. love you all! maz xxx**

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Its funny, how life goes by, how people don't notice it slowly creeping away. One minute you feel like you have everything, and then the next its all be taken away from you; to leave you empty-handed, broken hearted. The people you love, tend to leave a footprint on your heart; a reminder that they're always there. Phil left the biggest footprint on my heart. He's my best friend, was my best friend, I'm not sure of anything anymore, I was sure he loved me, how wrong I was. I pick up the phone, who should I call? My best friend? The person, who ive phoned many times, even in the early hours of the morning, just to hear his voice. But no, I can't phone him, he's the problem, I put the phone down and grab my coat, I head for the station to talk to the last real friend I have. I knock on the door and walk in, tears now streaming down my face

"Sam? What's wrong? Gina asks, concerned, standing up to let me fall into her arms, I stand for a while sobbing on her shoulder

"He doesn't feel the same,"

"Who?" Gina leads me to sit on the chair

"Phil, I told him how I felt and he said he didn't feel the same anymore, he doesn't love me anymore" I sob

"what! Bastard!"

"No, he's not!" I was quick to jump to his defence, even with the events that transpired earlier. "I shouldn't have expected anything else. But I can't help that I do care about him. That I have for some time now"

"What about Stuart? Gina asks as she gets two glasses out and pours two drinks out

"I left him" I reply grabbing the drink offered to me

"For Phil?" I just slowly nodded putting the empty glass down

"Oh Sam, I'm sorry," she said, feeling quite helpless

_"_Why? Its my mess" I laugh, trying to hide the fact that the pain inside is unbearable. We both sit Gina listening to me pouring my heart out, and all the while I'm thinking of him, what he's doing? Hoping he regrets what he was saying, realising he made a mistake?


	6. Love means walking away

Everyone thinks my life is perfect, When I think about it, I suppose that it would look like the perfect life to an observer. If only I could get myself to believe it. Every night as I go to bed, I whisper to myself that I am perfect and I deserve to be happy. Every night I fall asleep in tears, because things were not as perfect as they seem.

Why? What was I thinking? I love her, I love Samantha Nixon, the only women ive ever truly loved, and ive hurt her, yet again. Like I always do, she was always there for me, listened to me, and helped me, and turn around and throw it back in her face. And now, as I sit and watch her I see that pain.

"DS Nixon!" the DCI shouts across CID, everyone looking up to see what's going on, its like they have nothing better to do, a weary looking Sam walks past me, I look up at her but she just stares straight through me, she looks so tired all time the time, so fragile. And I can't help but think it's because of me. It isn't the first time Sams messed up, and not the first time this week. She doesn't seem to care anymore, about work, about herself.

"Sam what is wrong with you?" Jack asked, concerned

"Nothing" Sam replied

Jack just sighed "Look I think you need some time off"

"No, please I'm fine" Sam pleaded

"One more chance Sam" Jack shook his head as Sam left his office and walked into CID. Phil looked up once more and seeing how upset Sam was stood up

"Sam" he smiled, she just stopped in front of him and looked up

"Phil" she replied looking away

"Look, can we talk?"

"Ive got work to do" she lied

"Sam, please" he trailed off as Neil walked into the room

"Sam, I need you for an obbo"

"Guv' Sam replied, leaving Phil and walking back to her desk and grabbed her coat, leaving with Neil. Phil just sighed and sat back at his own desk. As the hours passed all Phil could think about was Sam, maybe he was right he should just move on from her, she looked as though she defiantly had, he just had to forget about her. Neil came bursting into CID

"Phil" he shouted, Phil shot out of his chair and looked up "Its Sam"

"What's happened to her?" He asked grabbing his coat

"She's at St Hughes, I'll take you over there

**ok, what did you think? It's the best I could come up with lol. Sorry to leave it there, please review!**


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